Many of us have watched, or at least heard about the latest episode of Being Mary Jane, where one of her best friends, Lisa, takes her own life. There are a few things I need to say, but I want to be very intentional as to where I begin. Lisa Hudson is one of Mary Jane’s best friends from childhood; a brilliant and hardworking doctor who has fought her way through the struggles of battling mental illness with the hopes to lead a normal life, although that seemed to be very far fetched for her often times. In this episode, we learned more about Lisa than we’d ever known, and it gave us a clear view into the actuality of the painful lives so many of us live each day. Yes, us.
In this episode, we learned who Lisa was. No longer as an accessory to Mary Jane just because there was a convenience, but we learned about who she was in her individuality. We learned about the roots that upheld her foundation, childhood memories, detrimental tragedies, joyous past-times, the debilitating affects of her depression, and the life-long battle she fought that led her to the demise that was documented for the sake of our awareness. We got a front row seat into a sensory reality of what her world looked like when no one was around. The longing, the pain, the continuous cycle of yearning for answers unattainable and left to mystery, crying out for help silently, only for it not to be enough to sound any alarms, or too loud that it was silenced; sometimes by the silent treatment. Her fight was put completely in the forefront for once, and I mourned.
Why? Because I am Lisa.
Now, before you make any presumptuous assumptions, I am actively in therapy and working diligently to continue to LIVE, healthily. Her story was such a parallel to mine that it scared me. I seriously thought to myself, “Did one of them get a hold of my journal? Have they been secretly documenting my life this whole time?…”. It was unreal. Her childhood filled with academic accolades, being molested by a father figure for 5+ years, battling depression, being at odds with her parents, and a month ago I almost ended my life in the same EXACT way she did– a page right out of my life story, word for word! My jaw dropped as Mary Jane read Lisa’s eulogy, it was as if she was reading mine. It was scary, yet reassuring to know that the story was being told one way or another. I cried watching that scene as if Lisa was someone I’d known my whole life, and in retrospect I realize that I was actually crying for myself. I was crying because I know that battle to be very real and something I deal with each and every day, but I was also crying for my will to live. My biggest prayer is that my story does not end like Lisa’s did. I pray that I can always find something within to fight for. Always. The thought of giving up, losing hope, and throwing in the towel after fighting all of this time makes me sad, and that keeps me encouraged to keep pressing on. I know Lisa is a fictional character, but she represents some very real women. I will fight for my life for people like her who weren’t strong enough to handle the burdens of the world, and more importantly, of the mind.
Thank you, Lisa, for encouraging me to keep fighting.
If you feel like you have no where to turn and need help, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or visit www.SuicidePreventionLifeline.org